Oh, how He loves us
On Friday, a group of brothers and sisters sang an awesome song before our church. After rediscovering it today, I know God’s speaking to me as I replay it through time after time:
Since, I haven’t posted in a while, I’ll just share about how I’m doing spiritually. Recently, I’ve just been so frustrated with the inconsistency of my heart. It’s like two seconds after every God-glorifying thought I have, I turn to self-praise or have some terrible thought about my brother, sister, or even a stranger on a bus. Then, in response, I’ll become frustrated and question my goodness and deservedness of God’s love. I mean, there’s no question honestly. I’m no good, but because He is, I’m wholly and absolutely saved by Christ’s redeeming love. But my heart never really reaches that point and sees that amazing fact. Whether in selfishness or selfish frustration, I’m still consumed by myself.
So, while shaking my head, I’ve prayed that God would change my heart so that I would turn from myself and look at how my selfishness glorifies Him that much more. While I’m still so sinful, He can declare an even more glorious victory through this wretched heart. I think this song is part of God’s answer…and He’s telling me how much He loves me! I’m like this little tree made of thorns, with weak roots that rarely bears any fruit; yet, oh, how he loves me so! No matter me, I’m bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy.
Heavenly Father, that is such good news. Help me get over myself, for once! Tear down the walls that I put between us and let me just drown in the ocean of your grace, mercy, and love. I know you’re answering my prayers as we speak–you’re so quick to restore me. Make my heart and spirit be willing to see my prayer be answered all around me as you unfold my redemption story to me. I love you God, but wow, it’s nothing compared to your love!
I beg for You to move
Recently, the song, “Beg,” by Shane and Shane has really been tugging at my heart. It’s not even just a couple of lines that I identify with, but every single lyric. This song reminds me that at the end of the day, He doesn’t want my words or deeds, but my heart. He wants my love.
Listen to the full song here
The song starts out, “So here I am, one more day of not loving Him the way He asks.” The song starts out so negatively yet so casually, which is quite rare for a worship song. But that tone of voice more practically describes the heart of a struggling lover better than one of extreme agony and fear. It’s sad but true. As another day passes and my heart fails, “I’m sinking fast like a stone heart should,” and it feels like there’s nothing I can do. Even in prayer time, “I’m haunted by my God who has the right to ask me what by the nature of my rebellion I cannot give.” As I pray to God, the one I should be cherishing the most, I find that I’m reduced to a mix of silence and jumbled words.
He still reveals Himself to me daily, and for that I’m thankful. But at the end of the day, along with my “cute little words about how am I saved,” they too get “burned as wood.” In other words, those blessings don’t last and my heart again feels empty. No matter “my deeds for the day,” “I’m haunted by my God who has the right to ask me what by the nature of my rebellion I cannot give.” In the midst of my silence and the noise that spews out of my mouth, I question, “Am I saved?”
Tonight, God gracefully blessed with something my friend, Jeffrey Nian, shared with me about how Jaeson Ma, the world’s most prominent Asian hip-hop pastor, turned from a life of complete sin to one completely devoted to God. At 18, along with hanging out with various Vietnamese gangs, he was dealing drugs and designer suits. The latter of which he stole from the high-end clothing store he worked at. One day, he was busted and the police had a warrant for his arrest. While confessing to his Christian mother his sin, God hit him with what he described as a “two-ton brick” (conviction). Even if he went to jail (by God’s grace, he didn’t), he decided to turn his life back to God right then and there. He was determined to seek and seek God with all of his heart until he found God and captured Him there. Jaeson would frequently lock himself in his room and ask God to fill him up with the holy spirit, and he asked that over and over and over. HE BEGGED. By begging, God transformed his heart so much that He was able to use Jaeson to lead revivals all around college campuses and even lead Jin the rapper to Christ, among countless others.
So now, when I think about it, it’s so ironic that CFC’s lock-in is tomorrow. All night, 7 pm to 8 am, spent crying out to God, just like Jaeson Ma. In fact, I know it’s more than just an irony or intersting coincidence, it’s all part of God’s beautiful plan to lead me to Him. God, I recognize that I’m powerless to move myself; so, like the poorest man on Earth, I want to beg for You to come. You, God, are the only one strongest enough to lift this stone heart from the brink of hopelessness. So, may these words be like a huge cardboard sign hung around my heart: “I beg for you to move, I beg for you to move, I beg for you to break through!”
One in Love 2010
I recently had the privilege of designing the new site for the One in Love (OIL) conference held in Melrose, Pennsylvania. I haven’t actually been to OIL, but I can tell just from the title that it’s a conference with one focus, loving our God. We’re all one church, one body of Christ, one set of people that was made to be madly in love with our savior. From January 6th to 9th, about a thousand people will join together in a cozy gym out in the frigid winter season to praise Him with all their heart, soul, and mind. Through music, fellowship, and a few incredible speakers: Dr. Min Joshua Chung, George Verwer, and Dr. Robert Norris, you’ll get blessed–no doubt. Registration for the conference begins in two days (Nov. 10th). Travel accommodations from various midwest and northeast locations are also listed on the site: http://www.winteroil.org
In case the site isn’t impressive enough 
or you just want more hype for OIL, watch this promo for the conference:
Without hope or agenda
In the immortal words of the guy from Love Actually,
But for now, let me say - Without hope or agenda - Just because it’s Christmas - And at Christmas you tell the truth - To me, you are perfect - And my wasted heart will love you - Until you look like this.
This past weekend, I got a chance to see everyone’s favorite British romantic comedy, Love Actually, again. I actually started watching the movie when all the individual stories started climaxing–basically, all the moments that make you wish your life was a British, romantic comedy: the little drummer boy’s mad dash through the airport, the Portuguese proposal, the Presidential kiss, etc.–all in about 30 minutes.
One climax, the ’signs’ scene, stuck out in particular. For those of you who haven’t seen the movie, Mark (the guy in the picture), realizes that he is in love with his best friend’s newly-wed wife, Keira Knightley (who wouldn’t be?). When she finds out, he has no choice but to reconcile the matter in the best way possible: with posterboards, a sharpie, and a knock on the door. While the situation Mark’s in isn’t at all the picture of our relationship with God, I still love his attitude here. The only thing he can do is accept his love for her and do so “without hope or agenda.” When he finishes his poster slideshow, Mark doesn’t expect anything in return. I mean, he did get a kiss, but it would have been totally fine with him if he continued walking down the road alone without anyone running after him. What could he do but confess his love? He embraced the mindset of loving without expecting or even hoping for anything in return.
Leave it to a movie that features a porn star couple (well, they’re just stand-ins for sex scenes) to teach me a little something about love. Actually, I think seeing Love Actually was all part of God’s mission this past week to teach me about being a servant. This year, God’s been opening doors for me to serve, but I didn’t truly understand how to be a servant. The former is just the action, the latter is the motive. This past Sunday, one of the sermon’s bullet points was, “Watch out: you must remember that you are a servant.” In my notes, I have written down for that section: “We do not deserve anything. Why do you serve and get bitter? You ultimately want to get served yourself. The older son, the pharisee was like this, but the younger son realized that even being a servant is a privilege (The Prodigal Father, Luke 15 11:32).” After that sermon, I thought to myself, “Dang, I just got served! Sucker.” (HA)
One example that comes to mind that illustrates this point is my work on the flyer for Revival. As I said in the previous post, the first flyer I made wasn’t accepted. If I wasn’t so stubborn and decided to work on another flyer, none of my designs would have been used–someone else would have done it. I admit, I was a little bitter that my first try that I worked pretty hard on wasn’t accepted, and I probably still would be if the second one wasn’t made. But I have to ask myself: why do I serve and get bitter? Isn’t it enough to just serve? I don’t even deserve this opportunity to begin with; so, even if my servanthood doesn’t impact the world, who cares? I’m serving God–that should be where my joy comes from.
So, this is my prayer: Lord, help me be like Mark. Scratch that. Help me be more like Christ. When He sacrificed His life for me, the flesh torn from his back was nothing compared to the emotional torture he experienced. The entire world was against Him; yet, He still willingly suffered so greatly for us. While we were still sinners, while his closest friends on Earth turned their backs and said they never knew Him, Christ did what He did. His sacrifice boils down to this: without hope or agenda, except to serve God the Father, Christ served. You know what? The Gospel is love, actually.
Revival! Thursday to Sunday…and beyond
This past week, I had the privilege of designing the flyer for CFC’s upcoming Revival weekend. If you’re around Champaign-Urbana during that time, definitely try and make it out, it’ll be well worth it. I actually made two flyers, only the first one was accepted. I’ll just post both of them for kicks. Don’t pay attention to the info on the 2nd flyer, only the first one is correct.
Whether you’re looking for a revival, reawakening, rejuvenation, resurgence or just a reestablishment of your relationship with God, this is where you should be. No matter where you’re at, if you just open up your heart to Him, the chemistry will…never mind. Just be there! Or if you’re reading this from another city or country, open up your heart to Him again and be revived, wherever you are.
First draft with wrong info below:
Shiver me Tumblr
Just to let everyone in the world know, I just got a Tumblr and it’s pretty fly:
My Tumblr (http://wugru.tumblr.com/)
I’ll be posting videos, songs, short thoughts, and teasers for this blog whenever I update it (you’ll have to continue reading here sucka). It’s like a cross between Twitter and blogging. I was trying to resist the temptation to get one since I already have a Facebook and Wugru, but the stylin minimalist themes were too hard to pass up.
If you have one, follow me yo. If you don’t, sign up! I don’t know why people bother with Twitter when Tumblr is out there. Posting all types of media is a breeze and there are too many good themes to choose from.
Every once in a while…
There is a song that I really get into that makes me a little insecure about my manhood. Don’t get me wrong, I know I’m a man–I’m one of the manliest people I know. In fact, probably the manliest man graphic designer out there (just kidding). But man, some songs on my iTunes I’m just not comfortable playing in public. On the heavier side of things, those would include all my hardcore underground rap songs. On the lighter side of things (where this song falls), that would include some Beyonce singles, Cheyenne Kimball, and all those cute Juno soundtrack songs.
But this song is to good to pass up mentioning. My boy, Urian, actually eluded to this song in a conversation a while back. So, blame him, he’s the sensitive one. Anyways, you’ve probably seen one of the awesome Where the Wild Things Are trailers on TV or the Web. One of the trailers of the movie featured this song by Karen O. and The Kids called, “All is Love.” This song just makes me smile and have a generally better outlook on life. My testosterone is going to have to have a talk with me later but listening to it is totally worth a trip to the principal’s office. Like totally! (dangit) *cough* Dude, it’s totally worth listening too bro.
Trailer (fan made actually):
Complete song:
“All is Love” by Karen O. and The Kids
It’s also got a sick-nasty message.
How far we’ve come and how far there still is to go.
It’s hard to believe that this time a year ago, I was a little over a month into my Freshman year. Done with my first wave of midterms, recovering from my first college sickness, and fully immersed in the small group, large group, weekend event, Sunday service (hopefully) rotation of CFC. Heck, even at the beginning of this year, I was still writing “Freshman” on the activity sign up sheets.
Recently, I came across this video that really took me back to my first days as a Freshman. I think I saw this video at the “How to Survive” event CFC put on at Lincoln Hall, which was held the night after the first day of classes. I even friended the creator of the video, Michael Chang, on Facebook. You can check out his work at bluevisionuiuc.
It’s a blessing to see him use his amazing videography skills to strengthen the body of Christ. It really applied to this week’s small group Bible study, which was on Luke 16:1-13–using the resources God’s given you wisely before time runs out and eternity begins. Hopefully, I can use my graphic design skills–or at least, passion–in the same way. And I am! God granted me the opportunity to serve Him by making a flyer for next week’s Revival happenings, which I’ll probably post over the weekend. Anyways, watch the video:
Last year, I got goosebumps watching it for the first time, and when I saw it again today, it was no different. As a Freshman, I remember thinking what I would be like a year from then. Well, that’s now, and even though I’m a Sophomore, the same thoughts and questions still fill my head. I’ve come a long way from Freshman year but the message from 1:20-1:30 in the video still rings out: “you realize the person you’ve tried so hard to become…wasn’t quite what you expected. Mistakes made, opportunities missed.” And “only now do you realize how far you’ve come, and how much further you still have to go (1:06-1:13).”
Whether I’m about to turn twenty or about to send my own kid off to college, I’ll still have plenty of room to grow. There will and always will be mistakes that could be made and opportunities that could be missed. Through it all, it’s good to know that I am and always will be living out this second chance God’s given to me.
5 seconds to eternity.
This past weekend, my church, CFC, held its annual mini-olympics. We’re the biggest church on campus with about a thousand people and seeing everyone from all dorms, ages, and ethnicities (primarily Asian or Pacific islander) compete and cheer each other on was awesome to see. We were so animated that I even saw a caucasian girl from the neighboring soccer game take out her camera phone videotape us. The body of Christ was in full force, even with the frigid weather and obnoxious rain. And even though the competitions consisted of crab walks, hula-hooping, and solving 3rd grade math problems, it was still pretty intense. Still, we knew that from start to finish, God was the only true victor.
The intensity of mini-olympics.
But, something happened right after mini-olympics that I can’t stop thinking about. Every time that something pops into my head, I want to smack myself, cry, and travel back in time to the moment before it happened. All I want is one more chance to do things differently.
Right after mini-olympics, since I had absolutely no cash on hand (a coincidence, the competition was free), I went to the gym across from my dorm to get some cash from the ATM by the entrance. I saw a Chinese mother playing with her two girls on one of the couches. I was feeling God’s love from mini-olympics that day and thought to myself, what a beautiful picture of the Body of Christ. I was even tempted to give a little “Ni hao ma?” greeting to the mother.
As I took the receipt from the ATM, my sound-isolating earphones was pumping Hillsong’s new album, Across the Earth: Tear Down the Walls. I smiled at one of the mother’s daughters playing near the automatic sliding doors. Greatest in God’s kingdom, I thought. Then it happened. The daughter placed her hand on the part of the door that the automatic door slides over. As I was trying to leave the gym, I noticed that the automatic door was stuck. Why wasn’t it opening? I looked to my right and saw the little girl with a look of pure agony on her face. I pulled out one earbud, then the other, and was confronted with the full force of the little girl’s screams of pain. Her small hand was caught in the sliding door’s crossfire and I was the only one around. I didn’t know what to do–grab her hand and pull and I’d probably do more damage, push or pull on the door and it might just drag the girl along with it–I froze. I looked around me, crying out in my head, “Please someone, HELP.” Nobody came, the little girl was in extreme pain and I was the only one in a position to help. The longest five seconds of my life passed as my heart quenched, mouth gaped, and nerves disabled.
Finally, the mother came running with her other daughter in one arm and pushed the door back to a close. I followed suit by pulling it towards the same direction from the other side. I stood with the family for a few minutes, seeing if the little daughter was all right. I looked for any sign that she was okay, but all I got was the mother’s turned back. I looked longingly at the mother and daughter in hopes of seeing if there was anything, anything at all I could do to make up for my reprehensible lack of judgement. I slowly walked outside, too ashamed to put the earbuds back in and listen to Hillsong’s new album.
As I relive that moment in my head, I’m faced with the scariest thought of all: did I set off the door’s sensor? Did I cause the door to slide across the girl’s fingers? It was a quiet day in the gym, nobody else was leaving, it had to of been me. Whether I set it off or not, I’m at fault. I’m a grown man–who does nothing when a little girl stands next to you crying out in pain?
For me, this experience contained so much symbolism and so many analogies, but only one, simple, unbreakable truth: I did nothing. When I think about our lives here on earth and the eternity we’ll spend in the afterlife, all we really have are about five seconds on this planet. Five seconds to act or do nothing. Those five seconds will soon pass and God will either embrace you or turn His back–whether you speak his language or not. to Thank God I’m still alive. From now on, the entire rest of my life is a second chance, there’s no need to go back in time.
My Fav 5 iPod/iPhone Apps
Apple! Now that I have your attention, I’ll begin.
iPods are first and foremost a music player. And if you have an iPhone, I guess its first and foremost a phone/music player. So, who cares about apps? I mean, I could definitely live without them, but I’d rather not. They’re like toppings on an ice cream sundae.
Keep in mind, I have an iPod touch and not an iPhone; so, I usually don’t have a wifi connection. That means my favorites don’t require an internet connection (with the exception of one). Also, it has no mic; so, I can’t T-Pain myself or play an Ocarina. Don’t worry though, this list is still awesome. In no particular order:
1. Awesome Note
There are a lot of note taking apps that are now in the App Store; there’s even a free Notes app that comes default with your iPod/iPhone. But quite frankly, none of those other note-taking apps are as awesome as Awesome Note. With your current note-taking app, can you organize your notes into different colored folders, set due dates on your notes and use it as a To-Do list, or change the background to make it look like your typing on the Eiffel Tower? I didn’t think so. So, don’t judge me for buying this well-designed app for $3.99.
2. iPsychedelic
Don’t you hate how so many of the apps out there are just stupid and pointless? Well, This is definitely one of those apps. But after you purchase this sucka for 99 cents, you’ll have a whole new outlook on those incredibly pointless apps. It’s just a blank dark screen, but as you tap, slide, swirl your fingers across the screen, your eyes will behold a visual feast. Unleash your inner druggie and waste a couple minutes to an hour getting nothing done as you use this app. iPsychedlic, my anti-drug.
3. Football Backbreaker
I was a Madden 2004, 2006, 2007, and 2008 fanatic. Managing franchises and calling plays were great, but I always enjoyed mini-camp where you were just a running back and juked/duked your way to the endzone. Save yourself 9 bucks and don’t get Madden for the iPod, get this 99 cent minigame. You have five options: juke left/right, spin left/right, or speed up to outrun your defender. As you advance wave after wave, the challenge gets harder and harder. But, you’ll find the showboat at the end for extra style points will always feel just as good.
4. QuestKnight
This is a free application and it rocks. Although, you should watch out for the rocks that fall from the sky as you battle through swarms and swarms of evil knights, evil sorcerers, and evil inanimate objects. Featuring simple controls (the circle in the bottom left is actually a joystick), smooth, good-looking graphics, and addictive gameplay. The objective is simple: go as far as right as possible without dying and button-mashing everything in your path. By the way, I own the guy in the screenshot. My high is 1232 feet. Jealous?
5. Holy Bible
The Holy Bible, by Paul Avery, is the best free Bible app out there. I mean, how sick is it to have the entire bible in the palm of one of your hands? If that’s not enough (which it is), you can take notes on each individual chapter, set bookmarks, search the entire Bible, and view the Bible in one of 9 different fonts. Who said religion was getting old? 2000 years later and Jesus Christ is still keeping up with the times. Holla!
